Post by MarlinSoar on Sept 20, 2011 20:54:29 GMT -5
The Florida Marlins experiencing a financial Meltdown.
A befuddled GM cannot explain their current financial woes.
The Florida Marlins have experienced it all this season. Season ending injuries that have crippled their starting rotation. A blockbuster trade of Hanley Ramirez in return for high valued prospects. Winning some games, and well losing a lot more.
But a new and completely crippling problem has arisen for the brand new GM in the form of millions and millions of dollars of debt. “I just kinda lost it, I guess,” explained the Florida GM to a room full of reporters today, “I mean, one minute I have easily 30 million dollars of revenue room, and then while partying in Vegas, our organization is suddenly 150 million dollars in debt.”
Taking a swig from a flask nearby, he added, “It’s the strangest thing.”
ESPN first heard of the illicit and illegal behavior of the Florida GM from a worried friend who wishes to remain anonymous. “He was trying to live the high life,” said the friend, adding, “Who does he think he is? He’s the GM of the Florida Marlins, not the GM of theYankees or the Red Sox. He should have known there was almost no room in the budget for hookers and blow.” “What a [expletive deleted]-ing moron.”
When confronted with these accusations, the Florida GM was quick to respond, “You leave Candy and Jasmine out of this, they are nice ladies.”
The Florida GM then took one final drink from his mystery flask and fell to the floor in a drunken stupor. He was unavailable for further questions.
The Commissioner of MLB offered this statement regarding the situation:
“We at Major League Baseball certainly do not condone this sort of behavior. There are reports of gambling, prostitution, drugs, organ thievery and jaywalking. The childish actions of the Florida GM have become a mark of shame on the entire league and will no longer be tolerated. Especially, since he didn’t invite us. Seriously a douche move bro.”
More as this story develops.
